We walked to dinner last night with the family to celebrate the wife’s birthday. It is probably a mile or two from our house to downtown, across a nice college campus. Yes, a little warm, but that seems to be the best time for conversation with our kiddos. No electronics or TV or distractions. It is amazing what you can learn on a short stroll when they are “forced” to interact with you.
A few days ago I got in the shower and accidentally water-boarded myself. I mean it. I was so tired I stood in front of the shower head with my mouth open while water poured in. As a reasonable husband, given that torture was involved, I assumed the spouse was behind it. So I started confessing like crazy. After all, petty crimes had been committed.
“Fine! Sapporo is NOT the Kia of Asian beers,” I yelled. “It is REALLY expensive, but I like it A LOT.”
The water did not stop.
“Yes I lied! The lawnmower was working fine, but the Saints were on TV.”
Still the torture went on. I began confessing to crimes I had not committed, gurgling pitiful lies through self-inflicted mouthfuls of water.
I could see yellow sweat pants as she leaned in the side door of a minivan ten years older than my own. A mop of gray hair was mashed against the passenger’s window, what I could only assume was a second woman, who was asleep. The first woman was eating ice cream with one hand. With the other hand she appeared to be changing the diaper of a kid spread out on the floor of her vehicle. I was not positive this was a child or that a diaper was being changed; for all I knew she was bludgeoning a little person or delivering an infant. I could simply see two wiggling legs and the woman pinning this thing down and eating her ice cream.
1. You have a penis. It comes with responsibilities.
2. Girls have vaginas. If you’re not careful, you can create responsibilities.
3. I don’t care who you love, as long as you try to love that person with your whole heart.
4. Read books; real books with words on paper and pages.
5. Everyone has the same insecurities you do. Some people just hide them better.