Forrest Gump: Guard Dog and “Man” Dog

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Forrest Gump during some downtime from protecting the house…

What were you doing at 4 a.m. this morning? I get up early for work, but not that early. I was up at 4 a.m. this morning because of our dog. He’s one of those expensive hybrid dogs, either a Malty-Poo or a Shitzy-Malt, and he’s in bad need of a haircut. His name is Forrest Gump. Continue reading “Forrest Gump: Guard Dog and “Man” Dog”

Good bye baseball, hello soccer…

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We said good bye to baseball last night, with a loss where our bats, our pitching and our fielding all went to pot. For the sake of my 12 year old twins who really do love it, I pretend to like baseball more than I do. And I hate to end the season with a loss. But, I always enjoy the time of year where we put the bats and gloves away and get ready for another fall and spring of soccer. I enjoy their soccer more than baseball for a variety of reasons. Continue reading “Good bye baseball, hello soccer…”

Life’s Normal Road Trips

We were on a long, family road trip and one of my kids told me he had to use the bathroom.

I smiled and kept driving. We’d just passed a rest stop and its little sign that said the next rest stop would be forty-seven miles down the road. I knew what was up. When a rest stop wasn’t available and a call of nature beckoned, then you’re forced to run the convenience store gauntlet for a bathroom break. For me, the convenience store is a financial deathtrap. That’s because after using the facilities my little kleptomaniacs will usually grab anything that isn’t nailed down, then I’ve got the choice of paying for those items or testing the response time of the local police department.

Continue reading “Life’s Normal Road Trips”

Standing at the Edge of Something Huge

Opening the car’s hood was an exercise in futility, unless a leprechaun was going to pop out and tell me how to fix a broken transmission. I looked over my shoulder. There were no leprechauns in this neighborhood. It was not the best place to break down.

“What’s up with that dude’s shorts?” one of the twins said from an open car window.

“He does it like that on purpose,” the other twin said. “He’s sagging.”

“What for? It looks stupid.”

Continue reading “Standing at the Edge of Something Huge”

A Washington Fix

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I could see yellow sweat pants as she leaned in the side door of a minivan ten years older than my own. A mop of gray hair was mashed against the passenger’s window, what I could only assume was a second woman, who was asleep. The first woman was eating ice cream with one hand. With the other hand she appeared to be changing the diaper of a kid spread out on the floor of her vehicle. I was not positive this was a child or that a diaper was being changed; for all I knew she was bludgeoning a little person or delivering an infant. I could simply see two wiggling legs and the woman pinning this thing down and eating her ice cream.

Continue reading “A Washington Fix”

42 things I will teach my teenage boys…

 

 

1. You have a penis. It comes with responsibilities.

2. Girls have vaginas. If you’re not careful, you can create responsibilities.

3. I don’t care who you love, as long as you try to love that person with your whole heart.

4. Read books; real books with words on paper and pages.

5. Everyone has the same insecurities you do. Some people just hide them better.

Continue reading “42 things I will teach my teenage boys…”