Jokers to the Left of Us, A Clown to the Right


When was the last time you saw a clown in a police car? A real clown? With the red nose and the painted face and rainbow colored hair? Not a handcuffed clown in the backseat of a squad car. I’m talking about a clown in uniform behind the wheel. This would be an actual clown who has chosen a career in law enforcement. The answer is never. Law enforcement and clowns simply don’t mix. It makes sense. No clown is chasing down a perp in those huge floppy shoes. Good cop, bad cop would be a disaster. And a clown would even be worthless working undercover, UNLESS you were investigating a circus or trying to infiltrate a child’s birthday party.
Clowns simply aren’t suited for law enforcement work.
Just like Donald Trump is not suited to be president.
Being president is not a dictatorship. The job requires tact, restraint and diplomacy. This is not about the issues Donald Trump has presented and whether you’re for or against them. Honestly, those don’t matter because we should only consider where “qualified” candidates stand on the issues. Based on who he is and what is required in the job he is seeking, Mr. Trump is not qualified.
Here’s something cringe worthy to start with. The president serves as the nation’s mourner in chief. How’s it going to go when President Trump is asked to deliver a eulogy?

“Yeah, ok, right, this guy in the casket right there was great. Really great. He invented some scientific thing and he won the Nobel Prize. You know, I coulda’ won the Nobel Prize. I coulda’. Actually I thought about buying the whole Nobel brand and renaming it the Trump Nobel Prize or the Nobel Trump Prize. I don’t know, we never got that far with it because I went with this beauty pageant thing instead. Beauty pageants are huge! Big ratings. The Nobel Prize? Nobody cares.”

Everyone has heard Trump the candidate brag about the negotiation skills he will bring into the Oval Office. The common denominator with his negotiations is always money and money makes people pretty predictable. Inside the Beltway they talk about money all the time but most of their negotiations are rooted in ideology. That makes things different.

“I’ll give you guys 100 trillion dollars if you let the pro-life people come out on top. That’s a win-win for everyone. A 100 trillion dollars? Do you know what you could do with that? That’s more money than I’ve got and that’s a lot. No? You pro-choice people, I swear I do not understand you. Fine, let’s go 200 trillion. No? 300 trillion! We’re not leaving this room until we have a deal. I can do this all day.”

Mr. Trump clearly understands the value of real estate and there is no more prized plot of land in this country than 1600 Pennsylvania Ave. What Mr. Trump doesn’t seem to understand is that you can call the president the most powerful person in the world all you want, that doesn’t change the fact that the president does very little without some sort of compromise: to staff, to Congress, to special interests, a lobby, or to the military. There really isn’t such a thing as a unilateral presidential action. Otherwise the position would be called a dictator. The president decides to do something, then immediately starts compromising so that the thing can actually get done. That is not the weakness of moral uncertainty but the reality of effective governing. As long as you grant everyone a voice, then all voices have to be heard, even if some will be louder than others.
A guy might look great in a cowboy’s hat and downright ridiculous in the one the Pope wears. (And, on that note, a bartender could probably give a great sermon about the human condition, but, if you went to church this week odds are the local barkeep was not delivering the message.) The thing I keep coming back to is that every person who has been president knew the office was bigger than they were. Mr. Trump is the first person who wants to be bigger than the office itself. Donald Trump is a salesman, and he’s best at selling Trump. But saying something is great does not necessarily make it so. Forget the issues. They simply don’t matter. When it comes to the qualities required of a leader on the world stage, they simply don’t exist in Donald Trump. He is the clown we need to keep out of the patrol car.

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